I have been earnestly avoiding this goodbye for months now. But my stubborn spirit is finally folding.
In less the a month, I should've been walking along your sidewalks, feeling your nastily humid air (lol) and dragging my luggage in your train station. July 4 was supposed to be my ultimate independence day. But alas, life never waits for ones dreams or loves. So I must bid you farewell.
I'll continue to only imagine being far from here, free from these responsibilities but burdened by many others. I wont be able to enjoy your snow-ridden streets, slipping and falling on my ass. Laughing but pissed at the same time. Leaving my loved truck Lucinda behind, trading it instead for the two shoes on my feet. Won't be able to see all the trees that would've surrounded me. The experience of living with a crap load of room mates...or rather dealing with them...is out of reach now.
You, my dear friend, were so close to the grasp of reality. I think after everything I've been through this year: Being let down and letting go. Breaking up and losing. Not being able to fulfill you has been my ultimate source of heartbreak.
People keep telling me I have held false hope in you and all that you have to offer me.. Who knows. I could've moved up there and been miserable. Scraped up the little money I earned to walk the road of shame all the way back to California. Those same people now tell me that I'll have another chance..someday. But these reassurances fall on deaf ears. I needed the new beginning you had to offer me now. And now all that I have given up has been in vain. I have simply been burdened by more.
I hope you and I are able to cross paths one day, my dream is high but my logic is doubtful. If only I could hold the hand of this which I want so much....but no.
I'll continue to google you and see you on the television. Hear stories of you by word of mouth. Listen to music blaring your name and all the wonderful things you could've offered me. And I'll do all of this from my California room. And soon enough my own place...hopefully.
My heart is where you are, even though I am 3000 miles away.
Your almost lover, Brit.
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