So much has changed since my last post, and I repeatedly have said that I was going to blog everyday. My last excuse for not following through was the fact I lived at a place with no internet. Not the case now.
Surprise, Surprise, my first attempt at being on my own failed. The relationship I thought was the last one I'd ever be in has ended. And for what? I was going to move to New York. I was hell bent and stubborn, with a hidden train ticket under my bed and a stash of cash in a lock box. I gave up some friendships, a love, and hurt some people close to me in order to follow my dreams.
In the end, I'm staying in California. Because who wants to be 3000 miles away from home if something bad were to happen in the family? It's breaking my heart to stay, but my heart would be even more broken if I went and something happened here. One day my time will come. One day.
Now I'm in the awkward stage of living in between two phases of my life. Only four months ago (wow has it been that long?) I was living with my "second family" and falling into the comfortable relationship stereotype quite nicely. Now, I'm just a stupid young girl trying to find a place again. It's not bad. Not bad at all. Honestly, not knowing what's going to happen and not making any huge plans is...a breath of fresh air.
As for the relationship topic...ah. I announced that I was to stay single for a year (along with the announcement about my huge move) to simply prove that I was moving to New York for myself, and not a man. Now that I'm staying in California, if someone is to fall into my lap, I might just let them. But this time, my heart wont be given away so easily.
The only thing I regret losing these past few months is my second family. I miss them and don't really know why things are the way they are or how things have gotten so bad...but you must take the cards the game of life deals you. And I am. My sincere hope is that one day, the clouds will clear and I'll see my mistake. Things may never be the same, but I just want a little back of what I've now lost.
Almost everything I've ever written ends with me saying something about growing up. But now that I've done some growing these past few months, I've pondered the ultimate question: does a person ever grow up? Or do we just keep growing and growing. Getting older and older. Then when it's time for us to pass, we look back and say....I wanna grow up.
So, this post is ending with two simple statements. First off, I for sure am going to post more. About what? No idea, but I'll try to keep things interesting! Haha =)
Secondly, I'm tired of trying to grow up. Now all I want to do is cross over from the Brit that was to the Brit that is. Then one day I'll cross over the the Brit that will be...Until next time.
Surprise, Surprise, my first attempt at being on my own failed. The relationship I thought was the last one I'd ever be in has ended. And for what? I was going to move to New York. I was hell bent and stubborn, with a hidden train ticket under my bed and a stash of cash in a lock box. I gave up some friendships, a love, and hurt some people close to me in order to follow my dreams.
In the end, I'm staying in California. Because who wants to be 3000 miles away from home if something bad were to happen in the family? It's breaking my heart to stay, but my heart would be even more broken if I went and something happened here. One day my time will come. One day.
Now I'm in the awkward stage of living in between two phases of my life. Only four months ago (wow has it been that long?) I was living with my "second family" and falling into the comfortable relationship stereotype quite nicely. Now, I'm just a stupid young girl trying to find a place again. It's not bad. Not bad at all. Honestly, not knowing what's going to happen and not making any huge plans is...a breath of fresh air.
As for the relationship topic...ah. I announced that I was to stay single for a year (along with the announcement about my huge move) to simply prove that I was moving to New York for myself, and not a man. Now that I'm staying in California, if someone is to fall into my lap, I might just let them. But this time, my heart wont be given away so easily.
The only thing I regret losing these past few months is my second family. I miss them and don't really know why things are the way they are or how things have gotten so bad...but you must take the cards the game of life deals you. And I am. My sincere hope is that one day, the clouds will clear and I'll see my mistake. Things may never be the same, but I just want a little back of what I've now lost.
Almost everything I've ever written ends with me saying something about growing up. But now that I've done some growing these past few months, I've pondered the ultimate question: does a person ever grow up? Or do we just keep growing and growing. Getting older and older. Then when it's time for us to pass, we look back and say....I wanna grow up.
So, this post is ending with two simple statements. First off, I for sure am going to post more. About what? No idea, but I'll try to keep things interesting! Haha =)
Secondly, I'm tired of trying to grow up. Now all I want to do is cross over from the Brit that was to the Brit that is. Then one day I'll cross over the the Brit that will be...Until next time.
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